I’ve been going through a transformation of sorts. It got an unforeseen kickstart this past summer that sent me spiraling downward. I currently find myself clawing my way out of the abyss that comes with unwelcome life changes. What do I see as I look up? Possibilities, however distant and formidable.
Some days those possibilities seem reachable, doable even, and other days just the task of smiling is overwhelming.
I’m not too worried about completing the current journey I’m on, it’s just taking much longer than anticipated. I’m not as ‘strong’ as I thought. I’m learning to be patient and give myself grace.
I think too much. I’m afraid of making a bad or wrong decision so I don’t make one at all. I’m angry, sad, resentful, hopeful, confused and determined…pick one or more on any given day. What I do know is, for some reason known only to my creator, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Now, I have to decide what that life is going to look like and find the courage to live it.
I don’t have to be 100% everyday. I just have to take one small step forward each day and I will get there. It’s about the journey…the lifelong journey of transformation which happens one day, one moment at a time.
It’s daunting. It’s personal. It’s painful and emotional. Today I’m tired. Tomorrow? Who knows. My future has taken a different path than the one it was on for many years. Each step I take is new and I’m learning to look forward with hope.
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