When you live with multiple generations under one roof, boundaries are extremely important. As a grandparent living with my grandson and his parents, I find myself stepping over the boundaries discussed with my daughter and son-in-law regarding their parenting decisions with their son. Let’s face it…sometimes I leap over those boundaries!
Just the other night I jumped over the line without hesitation and immediately knew it was wrong. My grandson was upset that he was not allowed to take his full sippy cup to his room for bedtime. His mom said he could take a big sip of water now and she would leave the cup on the counter for in the morning. He fussed and my chiming in “I’m sure mommy will let you have it if you ask politely” did not go over very well! “Way to cut me off at the knees, mom!”
He’s still 3 (almost 4) and in a pull up at night, but I understand they are just trying to get him used to less water at bedtime so when he does graduate to underwear at night he’s not having to make multiple trips to the bathroom. A boy needs his sleep – and so do his parents!
I had to apologize to my grandson and take the sippy cup away, thereby becoming the “bad guy.” Lesson learned. Parenting your child is challenging enough without having grandma second guess your decisions.
Boundaries provide stability and continuity that we all desire and are especially helpful for children. Even in a multi-generation home, the nuclear family of parent and child must be honored. If a parent does not have faith that their wishes and desires regarding the parenting of their child are being honored, that will negatively affect the benefit of having multiple generations living together.
If I were to allow my grandson to do something his parents had expressly forbidden, I would be diminishing their role in his life and confusing him on what is the correct behavior. That’s a fast way to losing your multi-generation home and the blessing of being an actively participating grandparent!
I have the greatest honor and blessing of having my own special times with my grandson. With his parents’ blessing, we go on ‘adventures’ and have our own fun. (well, before covid…) If I want to get him a gift, usually a new book, I ask to make sure it’s ok. They have yet to turn down a book, but they are quick to say he has enough toys!
If you are considering the multi-generation life, be sure to discuss boundaries and be willing to adjust them as the need arises. Family is an ever changing dynamic and communication is so important to making sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. Being a small part of raising the next generation is one of the greatest blessings you will enjoy. Having that every day is a blessing beyond my words!
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